No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
