Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
