Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
