Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
