What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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