i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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