Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
