Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
