it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
