But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
