she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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