I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize