You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
