my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
nutella sex= disaster
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
