the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
