after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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