Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
