Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Enjoy the penises
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
