I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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