i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
