i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
