East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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