allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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