I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
