i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
