He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
