Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
