I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
