Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
