I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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