im about as happy as oj after his trial
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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