come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
