...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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