She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
