Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
