What a fucking waste of an outfit
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I think I just shit out all my problems.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
