i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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