In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
