I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
