i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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