If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
