Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
