Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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