I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
