You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
