i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
