when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
cat food counts as protein by the way
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Randomize
