Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
