If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
