Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
