I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
