took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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