I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Randomize
