he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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