Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
