I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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