dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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