I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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