apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
