I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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