woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
