ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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