I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
