yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
